“ Is Jacob And He’s Not THAT Fat”

“@fat is Jacob Thornton – and he’s not THAT fat,” says Downtown Abbey in a letter.

In a letter yesterday there was a reference to an office desk carving with the nickname @fat, probably left there by a former employee. A fat guy.

“Twitter Is a Textarea and a Button, Employees Twiddling Thumbs”

“It’s just that one button and that one textarea, hardly enough HTML elements to keep 3000 people busy,” says employee.

“We have renamed The Daily Scrum to The Fight for the Post-It!

Five out of Six Are in Favor of Russian Roulette; Now Online

“The chance of dying is one in six. The job of killing off the losers is still outsourced to the Russian mob, but we’re working on an automated solution,” says Ivan Fyodorovich Karamazov.

Traditional Russian roulette is played with a single round in a revolver. The player spins the cylinder, places the muzzle against his or hers head and pulls the trigger.

The survival rate depends on the rules:

If the cylinder is allowed to complete to full stop, gravity gives the player a big advantage, as the bullet will usually end up near the bottom.

Out of One Comes Many, The Cloning of Bitcoins

“It’s like bleaching and reprinting one-dollar bills as hundreds. E Unum Pluribus. Out of one comes many.”

“Why We Replaced Rails with Go,” Explains George Clooney

“Ruby on Rails is so slow we needed forty servers just to serve the simplest of applications,” says George Clooney.

He Collects Software Bugs

“At work they nicknamed me Bugzilla,” says Jira Dvorak in a letter.

“I collect software bugs, yes, but not just any old bug,” he says. “I collect the rare and very special bugs!”

Letter from Another Linus, the Gadget King

“I was at the door all day waiting for the UPS-delivery from Amazon.com and I never sent you any letter about this guy from India,” says another Linus in a letter.

Letter from Linus

“I have no clue who this Dheeman is and I have certainly never merged a paper patch from him,” says Linus in a letter.

“One Indian Engineer Can Make Nine Women Pregnant in One Afternoon!”

It is Dheeman Chatterjee who writes this in a letter.

He is a software engineer working in London, and not very happy about my last article about outsourcing of IT projects to India.

“Nine Indian Women Cannot Make a Baby in One Month!”

“Adding more men to a late project makes it later. Adding a crowd of Indian developers to a late project makes it crash,” says project manager Rob Givens.

Givens works as project manager for a big IT-consulting company in London. He manages one of the big government modernization projects, “The citizens can help themselves”. And to help the British citizens to eventually help themselves, Givens is helped out by a bunch of Indian software engineers flown in from Bombay.

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